Getting Back Up with Harma Hartouni
Harma Hartouni has had himself quite the eventful life. Harma, who’s been openly gay for 20 years, grew up in Iran, where being gay was illegal and can be punishable by death. He faced abuse and bullying and suffered a near-death car accident that left him unable to walk. As a young adult, he moved to America with a wall of challenges. He was a gay, Middle Eastern man who barely spoke English and lived off food stamps while supporting his mother and siblings.
Put all of that together and it’s enough to knock anyone down.
But Harma got right back up. And today, he’s one of the country’s most successful real estate entrepreneurs, with more than $1.2 billion in sales volume last year. He’s happily married with three children and a home filled with pets, including dogs and turtles.
Harma has channeled his incredible story into Getting Back Up: A Story of Resilience, Self-Acceptance & Success. The book is for anyone who’s ever faced a hard time, and it’s such a terrific combination of inspiration, humor, and advice.
Good People, Cool Things chatted with Harma to learn more about his book, story, and what he’s got on the horizon.
What message(s) do you want people to take away from Getting Back Up?
The message for everyone is to GET BACK UP! Trauma, tragedy, failure and adversity will affect all of us at various points in our lives. These are all things that can make us feel like we don’t have control over our situation. But we do. We always have control over our choices and our attitudes. Put one foot in front of the other and get back up.
If you’re afraid others won’t accept you, start by accepting yourself. If you’re afraid others won’t see your full value, then dig deep and discover for yourself what makes you great. And when you’re afraid that by living your truth, you may hurt the feelings of others, I’m here to tell you that it’s alright (and imperative) to be a little selfish. Living a lie is toxic. Just don’t do it.
What was it like growing up in such a homophobic society?
Growing up in Iran, my family had a plan for me. I was expected to marry a suitable wife, get a respectable job (doctor, lawyer or engineer) and build a life in the community I was being raised in. Make my family proud. Fate had a very different plan for me.
What I thought my life would be like is nothing remotely close to what it is. The accident was what I sometimes call my “rebirth.” I had no other choice but to find the strength and the power to literally get back up and promise myself that I was going to live my authentic life.
What advice would you give to people in similar settings?
Surround yourself with people who have shown not only an understanding of your journey but are supportive throughout it. Having a safe space to speak freely about all the challenges you are facing without fear of judgment is vital in your process and your self-acceptance. Feeling understood, accepted, and not judged enables you to form amazing bonds and connections to create your community or your “tribe.”
How did your accident inspire you to change your situation?
The car crash broke both of my legs in multiple places and left me bedridden and unable to walk for a year. The accident took everything from me that I thought mattered—my community, friends, college, and the promise of a career that would make my family proud. I had lived my entire life willingly pretending to be someone I wasn’t to make others happy, and the accident put life’s fragility into perspective. It was as if someone pressed a reset button. I could not die not having lived for myself. As soon as I recovered, I moved to Los Angeles, determined to build a more authentic life.
What's something that's surprised you about the real estate industry?
In the 20 years I have been in real estate, I still am surprised when new agents tell me they are going to be super successful because they love houses, or decorating houses, or wanted to be an architect and design houses. Then ask me how I got to where I am today. It is really not about how far I’ve come; it is about how hard I’ve worked. It doesn’t matter how much you love houses and design. The only way you’re going to be successful is if you also love to work hard.
Over the last twenty years, I have made it my mission to focus on improvement and growth as an entrepreneur and leader. Nobody starts from nothing. At the very least, you have your belief in yourself and the ability to find others to motivate you. Invest in yourself and surround yourself with people who inspire, challenge, and teach you. When you do that, success starts to feel a lot less abstract and a lot more attainable. If you continue to take small steps forward, eventually you will reach the mountain top.
How do your dogs and turtles get along?
That is a funny question...Haven't been asked that one before. They don't know the other exists.
What's next for you?
I believe deeply in the importance of mentorship in becoming a strong leader and entrepreneur. I have had incredible mentors throughout my career and I am passionate about sharing my knowledge and paying it forward.